Fae-CaptainofDreams on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/fae-captainofdreams/art/Dying-540389807Fae-CaptainofDreams

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Dying.

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....Have you ever felt like you're dying of a broken heart?

Physical pain sucks, yes.
But...
At the end of the day, no amount of medication or physical therapy can mend the damage done to a heart.
Guys I know i'm cheerful and spunky on here and that's real, but like anyone else I feel a lot of pain.
Honestly?
I have to take Zoloft for depression.
A while back I was out of control, emotional and insulted and verbally cut down everyone.
I still struggle and push people away when i'm hurting, but recently I've found myself getting closer to God and that has helped a LOT.

The main reason i'm feeling this though and had to do this art, is because FursonaKittenMittens is moving to Utah in 11 days.
Since I graduated high school, I've only seen two of my friends, and one of them only once.
I still text some of them, and Kitten I text constantly.
But....
She's no longer going to be in my town.
To see her one of us would have to go by plane.
We knew this was coming for a really long time and we've had a rollercoaster of emotions about it, but today it finally hit us that we really don't have much time left together...
I was able to cry a little but for family reasons I had to choke it down (like I usually do).
Oh my God, it hurts to hold that back...
I just want to scream up into the sky, "God, please let her stay."
But...
To a degree, I've come to accept to this new chapter in my life.
It just...
Stings knowing there's a chapter in my life that's closing.
I don't like change at all, and dealing with departing with everyone else from school and all my friends was devastating enough.
Again....Zoloft.

Kitten is the only person I have EVER known to never break my heart, insult me, alienate me, or judge me.
We've had spats here and there, but they always brought us closer and we never crossed any lines or turned our backs on one another.
We've been to hell and back together, had each other's backs at every turn and twist and intend to stay unchanging.
When I say something weird I never get an "umm...oookaaay" or feel like a freak.
She knows the darkest sides and secrets I carry -- things I care only to share with God.
And now...
Knowing she has to be somewhere so far away that if someone tries to hurt her or something bad happens, I can't just run for a few blocks and come save her or call 911.
It's jarring...

I had to do this art because something had to happen in place of the tears i'm forced to hold in.
By the time I get a chance alone it'll be late at night and i'll wanna listen to music and drown the sorrow before I go to bed, so...
Oh well, maybe later...


So far, the only regrets I have are not working harder to spend more time with her.
She'll be spending the night this weekend one last time, but that'll be the last time we see each other for a really, really long time...
At least my other TWO remaining friends live close enough for me to see them if I can ever have time to arrange something.
AsphaltCat could have visited in the Fall, but I failed her then...
I'm so sorry for that.
(Cat if you're reading this please know I intend on doing some serious gift art for you soon and doing a description dedicated to our friendship, too.
It's had a long time coming *hug*)

          So this art is of my aching soul.
Cracking, and spilling blood.
It hurts, but the more it lets out the better i'll feel later.
My heart is bruised, battered and stained with sin, pain and sorrow -- as all human hearts are.
It will heal and seal itself in time and stop bleeding, but I can't hide the emotion inside.

Sorry for this depressing ass draw and paragraph but I was bound to explain it some time.
I meant to a while back but couldn't bring myself to do it until now.
Moreover, I wasn't hurting this much until now.
So...

I love you, Kitten.
When I miss your face I will look to the moonlight~.
Free Avi - SleepingMoon 


---PLEASE, do not steal my concepts, art or ideas.---
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Comments64
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OneiroFrost's avatar
aww D:> I feel for you. I don't really know what to say. Looking at how close you two seem to be, I bet you'll be able to find more opportunities to get together < : ) Even though being able to see face to face isn't the same as texting or anything like that, at least you can still talk to each other <:3 God bless you <3
sorry if I worded this out weirdly or something >.>